Connecting – Do you know my hurts?

I placed my hand into the water in front of me to check the temperature. It feels warm, are you ready? I looked up to see the grimace of pain as Russell removes his socks. “I have an unusual sized foot, so my shoes rarely fit me.” As I looked at his feet I saw a number of large blisters and asked, “Are you sure you want me to do this?” Russell replied with an honest smile, “You will do a great job.” He placed his feet into the soapy water with pain written all over his face. I noticed that every time I dipped the cloth into the water and gently washed his feet I was causing him pain. I apologized, “I am so sorry this is hurting you.” Russell would reply in a very kind voice, “Andy, you are doing a fine job, thank you for washing my feet.”

Two weeks later I found myself serving again with Bridgetown Ministries (invited by WCHS students). We were under the Burnside Bridge again and I saw Russell from a distance. He was sitting alone eating dinner. I took Marta to meet him and the three of us ate soup and talked together. He told us the story of how he came to live on the streets of Portland.

It all began nearly twenty years ago on his wedding night. Some of his friends brought some heroin to his wedding reception and Russell shot up for the first time. He told us this was the worst decision of his life. Since that time he has cleaned himself up nine times, but always relapsed and ended up alone and homeless on the street. He has three children, the oldest in high school. We listened to Russell discuss encounters with God and a desire to be a part of a church. But it was one of the last statements he made that revealed to me the condition of his soul, and I have been processing how I should respond since. He said, “After you’ve gotten up and fallen down again so many times, you just decide to stay down.” This was one hurting and hopeless man. After our talk Marta washed his feet and we gave him a fresh pair of socks.

In some ways I felt hopeless for Russell. Honestly, I wanted to just walk away and shut his story out of my mind. Part of me wishes I had just kept my distance and never heard his story, because by hearing it, I felt the Holy Spirit asking me to have compassion. On the other hand, there was a connection made over those two brief encounters and Marta and I felt honored to be invited into Russell’s painful story. We feel compelled to seek Russell out in the future when we go downtown with Bridgetown Ministries.

I believe that at the core of significant connecting is a compassionate response to others. I heard Brennan Manning say, “How can we say we love someone, if we don’t know what hurts them.” This week I asked student in my school to write down the name of the teacher who has had the greatest impact on them and why. As I read the responses, it confirmed my suspicions. In most cases they chose teachers who knew their hurts and demonstrated compassion. When we are willing to jump in and join in the chaos of another’s pain and hurt then we are trusted and invited to teach beyond the curriculum.

I believe that in order for us to create extraordinary communities that live on purpose we must be centered in Christ and connected with each other. Jesus tells us to love God and love our neighbor.

“Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it.
Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.
Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.
Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down.
Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.
Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone.”
(Selected passages from the Message – Romans 12: 9-19)